Facing the reality of a funeral
"I really hate to think about this," the woman said to me, "but I guess people should consider planning for their final expenses, and the details of what kind of arrangements they want when they die." She was right; most people do not want to face the inevitable, but we must.
Truly, ancient King Solomon put it very well: "To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven. A time to be born and a time to die" (Ecclesiastes 3:1–2).
In the United States of America, each day, about 8,000 people reach age 60. The number of "senior citizens" is increasing rapidly as a percentage of the total population in the developed countries of the world. The membership of the Living Church of God reflects a similar demographic; while as many as a third of those attending services are under age 18, the median age of our membership is over age 50. Even among younger people in our fastpaced world, accidents, injuries, sickness and disease take their toll. While some people enjoy long lives, some are cut off in their prime.
By preparing for final things, we show our love and care for those around us. For example, have you written a Last Will and Testament to ensure that your wishes will be carried out after you die? If you have not already done so, please refer to "Final Things: Is Your House in Order?" in the March-April 2005 Living Church News.
Death is a certainty for us all (Hebrews 9:27), and the Bible gives many examples of planning for our death and burial. In the book of Genesis, we see that Abraham provided for his own burial as well as for his beloved wife Sarah. "Then Abraham stood up from before his dead, and spoke to the sons of Heth, saying, 'I am a foreigner and a visitor among you. Give me property for a burial place among you, that I may bury my dead out of my sight'… So the field and the cave that is in it were deeded to Abraham by the sons of Heth as property for a burial place" (Genesis 23:3–4, 20).
Jacob instructed Joseph not to bury him in Egypt, but rather to return him to Canaan for interment (Genesis 47:29–30). Joseph told his brethren that his remains would be taken out of Egypt when the time came for the Israelites to leave Egypt. (Genesis 50:24–25). We find that Asa, King of Judah, was buried "in his own tomb, which he had made for himself in the City of David" (2 Chronicles 16:14). The Bible is filled with examples showing the pattern of being prepared for one's own death.
When someone dies, many decisions must be made rather quickly, during a time of emotional upheaval and sadness for those who loved the deceased. Those experiencing shock and grief can find it difficult to think clearly, and to make sound choices about funeral arrangements. Some of those choices include deciding between conventional burial or cremation, between chapel or graveside service, and among the many professional services offered by the funeral home or mortician. These choices can involve thousands of dollars in expense, and can be more than some families are financially prepared to handle.
Keeping this in mind, and realizing that there have been reports in the press about occasional price-gouging and abuse of distraught relatives of the deceased, some guidelines may be helpful to assist families of the deceased in making wise and cost-effective decisions.
One basic principle is that in the Church of God, the funeral service is simple and dignified, focusing on the comforting words of Scripture that explain the resurrection of the saints and the Christian's hope of being born into the family of God at Christ's return. Where non-member relatives and others outside the Church have a part in planning the service, it is important to be careful in selecting appropriate music and eulogies and other elements of the service, so that the family and friends of the deceased will not become embarrassed or uncomfortable because of inappropriate choices or comments.
One way you can help to ensure that your own funeral will be handled well is to prepare what is often called an "Ethical Will"—giving specific instructions about your funeral service, and any other matters you wish to share with your heirs. Although an Ethical Will has no special legal standing, it can be a comfort to your heirs and can help them make better decisions, guided by the sure knowledge of your wishes.
How can you evaluate the services offered by funeral homes? Brethren in the United States should know that the United States Federal Trade Commission has issued guidelines under which funeral homes must operate, and has provided guidelines to help families select the appropriate funeral home services. This information i s available online (at URL: www.ftc.gov/bcp/edu/pubs/consumer/products/pro26.htm ); a helpful summary statement from that Web site states: "The Funeral Rule, enforced by the FTC, makes it possible for you to choose only those goods and services you want or need and to pay only for those you select, whether you are making arrangements when a death occurs or in advance. The Rule allows you to compare prices among funeral homes, and makes it possible for you to select the funeral arrangements you want at the home you use. (The Rule does not apply to third-party sellers, such as casket and monument dealers, or to cemeteries that lack an on-site funeral home.)"
The FTC guidelines also contain this good advice: "Planning your own funeral arrangements can be a thoughtful and considerate way to ease the burden on your family. Planning lets you shop and compare goods and services without time constraints. You can find the best prices, make sensible decisions, and discourage emotional overspending on elaborate arrangements that family members might be tempted to purchase in their bereavement. Share your plans with family members so they understand your desires and have the information they need.
"Many people say that discussions with a lawyer about preparing or updating their will, living will or powers of attorney (including a durable power of attorney for health care)—or conversations with a financial advisor about investment strategies for retirement—prompt them to think about making arrangements for their own funerals. Attorneys and financial consultants can be good sources of information about planning funerals" (ibid.)
Because it can cost so much less than a burial, many families nowadays are choosing cremation for the final disposition of their loved ones' remains. Church members are sometimes uncomfortable with this option, as the Bible shows no examples of God's people choosing cremation. However, it is significant that the Bible also seems not to offer any admonition against cremation; the important point is that the deceased person's remains be handled in a respectful manner. Note that the patriarchs Abraham and Job called themselves "dust and ashes" (Genesis 18:27; Job 30:19).
No matter what decisions are made about a funeral, there will be unavoidable expenses in handling the deceased's final arrangements. If no advance preparations were made, these expenses can be a real burden or hardship for survivors— especially since most funeral homes only provide their services upon payment up front. It is startling to read the statistic that in 2006, the level of financial savings in the U.S. was the lowest in 74 years, which means many people will not have enough ready cash from their savings to pay for either a cremation or a conventional funeral. As a result, it can be wise to carry life insurance with limits sufficient to cover final expenses. Prepaid funeral plans, and life insurance plans that direct payments to a funeral home, should be approached with caution, since some may not be good deals for the purchaser.
Though some readers may be unsettled by the subject of this brief article, it is a subject that we will all face. Even if you think you are at an age where you will live until Christ's return, you could be the victim of an accident or a disease. Rather than deny our mortality, we should show love for our families by preparing as well as we can. By doing so, we will bring peace of mind and comfort to our loved ones, and make it easier for them to cope when we die.
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The Funeral Rule in Brief:
You have the right to choose the funeral goods and services you want (with some exceptions).
The funeral provider must give you a General Price List (GPL) that states your right to choose what you want in writing.
If state or local law requires you to buy any particular good or service, the funeral provider must disclose it on the price list, with a reference to the specific law.
The funeral provider cannot refuse to handle a casket or urn you bought elsewhere—or charge you a fee to do that.
A funeral provider who offers cremations must make alternative containers available.
You cannot be charged for an embalming that your family did not authorize, unless it is required by state law.