If our ultimate goal as parents is to rear children "in God's image," it will become our guiding light and central theme for everything we do in our family. Our real desire then, becomes the creation of a culture of God within our home. One definition of culture that especially applies is "a particular stage of advancement in civilization" (Webster's Collegiate Dictionary). In this case, it is the "advancement in civilization" of the future Family of God.
All too often, the tendency is for parents to compartmentalize God in their family life. We view the Christian walk as composed of certain Christ-like behavior patterns, Church services, and perhaps occasional family Bible studies. In truth, this is a good start, but there is far more to creating a culture of God within our homes. If we visualize our entire family life as a pie chart, most would view the spiritual aspect of child-rearing as a small percentage of the whole: simply a small piece of the pie. In contrast, if we truly do want to rear children "in God's image," then the spiritual focus must encompass the entire pie.
What does this mean? Simply that every decision we make as parents should revolve around the question: "Will this increase or decrease the likelihood that my child will grow up 'in God's image'?" Perhaps a father is considering a second part-time job, which would help the family afford a vacation cabin. Certainly the family would value the cabin—but the second job would cause him to spend much less time with his children. So, what would more likely turn the children toward God when they are older: the pleasure of a cabin in the woods, or the presence of a devoted father spending more time each day with his children?
When a family's child-rearing is guided by this type of priority-setting, a much more stable foundation is being laid, which will dramatically increase the likelihood that children will walk in their parents' spiritual footsteps. Years ago, we hung a plaque on a wall in our home, with a scripture that summarizes this principle: "As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord" (Joshua 24:15).
Yes, this is easier said than done, but with God's guidance there is real hope. If we maintain the guiding principle of rearing children "in God's image," we will have all the resources of the Creator God to draw on.
What, then, are some of the significant principles that will help us guide our family decisions in this way, creating a God-centered family culture? This article will discuss five vital principles.
Principle #1: Go to the source of true godly culture—God Himself
In and of themselves, parents almost inevitably lack sufficient wisdom and understanding to guide their children's young minds in a godly direction. Adults' primary model for child-rearing, of course, comes from their own parents. All parents enter the child-rearing years influenced by whatever flaws were present in their own upbringing. No matter how much we appreciate our parents— most of whom did the best they knew how—the fact is that none of us have grown up with flawless examples by which we can pattern our own parenting. For that matter, none of our parents grew up with ideal examples, either—a pattern that extends all the way back to the first human parents, Adam and Eve.
Yet, if we have not laid a godly foundation for our children when they are small, it becomes all the more difficult to establish that foundation when they mature into their teen years. Thankfully, we can turn to the perfect parent, God Himself, and seek His help when we lack what it takes. God tells us in His word that if a parent "does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever" (1 Timothy 5:8). God, as our parent, lives by this same principle and is ever willing to give us all the help we need, if we are willing to go to the source.
Parents all too often realize that they lack the necessary wisdom to handle so many of the difficult and frustrating circumstances they encounter in rearing children. In my own family's history, there have been many situations in which my wife or I realized that we were "in over our head." But God has given us—His spiritual children— a promise: "If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally" (James 1:5).
When a family situation is particularly difficult, it is time to focus even more fervently on seeking God's help, wisdom and direction. Once, when Jesus' disciples were frustrated by their inability to cast out a demon from a young man, Jesus told them: "This kind can come out by nothing but prayer and fasting" (Mark 9:29). And so it is with so many difficult problems in life, including childrearing— some problems are overcome "by nothing but prayer and fasting." In fasting, we move closer to our God, admitting our weaknesses and our total need for his guidance, wisdom and insight. God promises that when we take this approach of seeking God aggressively through fasting: "The Lord will guide you continually" (Isaiah 58:11). We must be willing to ask, in order to receive!
Principle #2: Be willing to put children ahead of self
Our human nature—and the world around us—teach a very contrary principle: "Find yourself, discover yourself, and take care of 'number one' because no one else will." But what comes about when we follow the world's advice and make ourselves "number one"? If we do so, and neglect our responsibilities in child-rearing, we will leave a void in our children's lives—a void that will be filled, by society and by Satan's mindset! Remember, we may neglect our children's upbringing, but Satan will never neglect to do what he can to influence them!
Paul's admonition to the Philippians applies especially to parents. "Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others. Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus" (Philippians 2:4–5). Most parents—especially mothers—can remember the countless times that they were awakened in the middle of the night by the cries of a newborn baby. It would be a rare parent, indeed, who would simply ignore a newborn's cry with the thought: "I need my sleep; I have to take care of myself." Most parents find that it comes fairly naturally to put the physical needs of their children ahead of their own—but it is rare indeed for a parent to put their children's long-range spiritual needs at the forefront of the family's priorities. Parents need to ask themselves, from time to time: "Have I put the needs of 'self' ahead of the need to rear my children 'in God's image'?" It takes an investment of time to put our children's spiritual needs first, but God wants parents to take advantage of every opportunity to teach their children godly principles. "You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up" (Deuteronomy 6:7).
Principle #3: Make a godly mindset the chief influence on your children
It is a high calling for human beings to be given the responsibility of molding young minds in the image of God. We cannot accomplish this by wishful thinking or simply by desiring it. It requires a huge investment of time and effort, and careful attention to the roles God has given to parents. God wants husbands to be fully supportive of their wives as "keepers at home" (Titus 2:5, KJV). When a wife and mother is able to spend her hours as a full-time "keeper at home," she can create a warm and nurturing environment while serving as the chief influence in forming her young children's character. Sending young preschool children to a daycare center during their formative years dramatically changes the dynamics of rearing children "in God's image." Day after day, children in such situations quickly have their view of life shaped by other children and adults around them. The significant question for a parent becomes: "Do I want my little child's mind formed by our family, or by the world?"
Many parents will say: "Yes, we know that having a full-time Mom at home is ideal, but we simply can't afford it." Sadly, it is often true that a mother must work so that a family can make ends meet. But we should not overlook another vital dimension of help and support: God Himself. He is not limited in resources, nor is He limited in the capacity to provide for His own children. If we turn our desire over to God in frequent prayer, reminding God that we really want our children to grow up loving Him and living His way of life, God will hear! Ask God to show you how to economize or do your part in lowering expenses or increasing income. Often, the seemingly impossible is possible with God, if we fully trust Him, and ask according to His will: "With men this is impossible, but with God all things are possible" (Matthew 19:26).
God's word also tells us: "Those who seek the Lord shall not lack any good thing" (Psalm 34:10). If God knows the value of mothers being "keepers at home," should we not expect Him to provide so that this is possible? Yes, to accomplish this a family may have to reduce its physical standard of living. But if one's primary goal in child-rearing is that children grow up "in God's image," God assures us that with His help it is possible! Parents need to pour out their hearts to God, knowing that rearing godly children is His priority—and is also ours as parents! If parents maintain their patience and persistence, God will in time provide a way!
Many couples discover that when a mother quits working, the family is not nearly as "behind" financially as they had feared. When a working mother gives up her paycheck, she also gives up many extra costs that go with being a working mother: perhaps a second car payment, extra insurance, gasoline, clothes for the workplace, dry cleaning bills, more restaurant meals and packaged foods for the family, and so on. Often, the loss in income is not nearly as great as it might first appear.
When a mother is able to stay at home full-time, young children's sponge-like minds will be guided and shaped primarily by a devoted mother and father, rather than primarily by the world. Though family circumstances vary, it is generally true that the longer a mother can be a full-time Mom at home, the better for the children. Both inside and outside God's Church, an increasing number of parents who have the resources and ability are choosing to "home school" their children, because of concerns about the quality and environment of schools in today's society. In our family, we made it a priority for my wife to be a "keeper of the home" through our four children's high school years—and later through their college years. Some might argue that this was unnecessary—and even that it was "overkill"—but our children certainly do not agree. The benefit they experienced, having counsel and direction instantly available in their young adult years—when so many life-changing decisions are made— was incalculable.
Yes, there are cases where a mother must work, and cannot provide an "ideal" environment for her children. This is not an ideal world, and we do have to make the best of circumstances that are beyond our control. Single parents have a unique burden in child-rearing, which can only be lightened by a very close relationship with God the Father and Jesus Christ. Successful single parents do all they can to seek God's guidance, asking Him to give them added help and extra ability to fulfill the spiritual needs of a young child. God Himself takes a special interest in widows or single parents who are struggling to rear their children "in God's image." God says that He is a "father of the fatherless, a defender of widows" (Psalm 68:5).
Principle #4: Cultivate the concept that "we are different from the world"
Being different from the world does not mean that we are "better" or "superior" in a self-righteous way. It does mean that we recognize that we have a different set of standards and a different calling, which we should work at transmitting to our children. Being different from the world is not something that we should be ashamed of; it is something that we should be thankful for and strive for! God's people are certainly unique in many ways, and we are even called "a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, an holy nation, a peculiar people" (1 Peter 2:9, KJV).
Being peculiar—unique—does not mean that we are odd, strange or weird! It does mean that we have a different set of standards—God's laws—and a different order of priorities in life: seeking "first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness" (Matthew 6:33). If our children perceive that we fear or are embarrassed by being different from the world, we will plant in their minds the wrong standard: that what people in the world think of us is more important than what God thinks of us.
We can help our children value being different—help them value God's ways—by continually emphasizing to them the benefits of God's way of life, as opposed to the natural penalties of following the world. Yes, this does take a huge investment of time and energy, but the reward is immeasurable!
Principle #5: Guard children's minds from the influences of Satan's world
It is so crucial that we protect our children from Satan's influence and propaganda onslaught, but we also do not want to bring them up naïve and ignorant of the world, vulnerable to Satan's devices. Jesus Christ expressed similar sentiments when He prayed that God would protect His followers: "I do not pray that You should take them out of the world, but that You should keep them from the evil one" (John 17:15).
Some parents, when seeking a neighborhood where they will buy a house or rent an apartment, make a priority of finding a neighborhood where there are many other children with whom their children can play. This is an excellent priority if you want to rear children who spend most of their free time absorbing the mindset of the world's children. When our family has looked for places to live, we have actually been delighted to find an older neighborhood with few children. Does this mean we wanted to isolate our children? Not at all! Our goal has been to let our children mix with other children in regulated, supervised activities—not in unregulated and unsupervised "free time."
When our children were pre-teens (and later teens), we involved them extensively in community athletic leagues. Our two sons and two daughters were involved in such supervised activities as tee ball, baseball, softball, soccer, gymnastics, ballet, tap dance and swimming. They actively mixed with children from all backgrounds, but that mixing was "purpose-driven." Our children were participating in activities where coaching and teamwork were central.
What we sought to avoid were the unsupervised activities with neighborhood children—in the alley, or out in the woods, or at the local hangout or at the movies. We did not want to give our children a "green light" to mix freely with the world's mindset, which is characterized as having "walked according to the course of this world, according to the prince of the power of the air, the spirit who now works in the sons [children] of disobedience" (Ephesians 2:2). This is not to say that we wanted to separate our children totally from the world; we simply wanted to expose them to the world in a structured and controlled way.
At the same time, we made it a priority to see that our children had every possible opportunity to be involved with other children and teenagers in God's Church. Driving long distances was often a normal part of our attempt to keep our children active with others in the Church. Church camps in the summer can be a significant expense, but they are certainly an outstanding way to keep our children connected with their Church family of their own age. Similarly valuable are the various regional youth activities, pre-teen and teen Bible studies—and, indeed, all local Church activities.
Though we do have friendly acquaintances in the world, God's people should be our true friends, and we should emphasize and teach our children God's key directive that we be "not unequally yoked together with unbelievers" (2 Corinthians 6:14). This does not at all mean that we think we are better than others, but it does mean that we take God's word and His principles seriously! If we saturate our minds with close friendships in the world, this will, in time, tend to shift our focus away from the Kingdom of God and toward the things of Satan's world.
If we encourage our children, and our teens, to fully intermingle with the world—through neighborhood sleepovers, close neighborhood friends, school dances and dating in the world—we are slowly but surely inviting them to accept the world's influence and mindset. Time spent together is certainly a factor of friendship with the world, and God warns all of us: "Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Whoever therefore wants to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God" (James 4:4). Close friendships in the world inevitably become an increasing link to this world's society, and to a value system alien to God's people.
This is not to say that all those "of the world" are to be shunned and avoided at all costs. There are many "good" people in society who are doing the best they know how in living moral lives. But if our goal in childrearing is to rear the next generation "in God's image," we will increase the likelihood of doing so if we encourage our children to form their real friendships with those walking the same path to God's Kingdom. Remember, every aspect of our child-rearing should revolve around the question: "Will this increase or decrease the likelihood that my child will grow up 'in God's image'?"
The experience of child-rearing can be the most challenging and difficult task in a parent's life, yet it has the potential of being the most fulfilling and richest experience in life. Frustrations, concerns and worries may abound, yet nothing is more satisfying to parents than seeing their children fully enjoy living God's way of life. We understand that not every child reared in God's Church will "catch the vision" and develop "in God's image," but it is a given that our efforts are never wasted! Even if they venture out into the world, our children who have been taught God's way of life in their childhood will have a foundation on which they can rely, whether in this life or in God's Kingdom.
"Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, The fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one's youth. Happy is the man who has his quiver full of them" (Psalm 127:3–5).